Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My Version of the Birthing Statue

Lucky Britney Spears was recently depicted in the throes of childbirth in this oh-so-flattering statue by pro-life artist Capla Kresting. I understand artistic liberty as much as the next gal, but I don't mind telling you that, had I been immortalized whilst bringing my children into the world, the statue would have looked quite different.

Let us first examine Brit's pose and be thankfull, as one, that none of the images show the statue from a vantage point that includes her nether regions. After 9 months of pregnancy, let's face it, hemmorrhoids have probabaly become a big problem. Looking at a woman's piles does not seem like the best advertisement for carrying your child to full term, instead of aborting. And, what about the bear skin rug? My home doesn't have any of these (my style runs more toward broken down computers, Razor scooters, and large bins of LEGO), but if it did, cavorting naked upon it, ass in air, hemmorrhoids a-flap would not figure high on my list of things to do in my last month of pregnancy.

My version of the statue would depict me clothed in those comfy jeans that have the cotton insert in the front to allow for the comfortable expansion of my womb. My boobs, in all their purple veiny glory, would be encased in one of those industrial strength maternity bras. My pose would not be unlike Britney's, but instead of bearskin rug, I would be crouched in the back seat of my car, brow creased and sweaty, attempting to install the %#@&* babycarrier/carseat.

1 comment:

you may call me Auguste said...

So I saw the photos of this statue last week (on BoingBoing, of course, and then on Salon, ditto) and I thought that from a purely sculpture point of view it was quite good. The pro-life pablum they were spewing to go along with it, however, pinned my ignoramus meter. Still I wouldn't mind seeing it and yes, I'd have to have a peek at li'l Sean's crowning pate. At least there wouldn't be any fluids involved.