Dog Envy

So does anyone else have dog envy? Three years ago in the throes of deciding not to have any more children, Steve and I decided to get a dog. As responsible future pet owners we researched breeds, visited the Humane Society, went to dog shows. Then, because it was the middle of the dot com boom, we purchased a dog over the web. Try not to fall off your chair laughing at our naivete. The last dog I had anything to do with buying was when I was 8 years old OK?

So my sister-in-law, the neighbor down the street, and every add on TV, have these cute chubby little jack russell terriers with short legs and droll personalities. Doing a little online reseach on JRTs we came across a link to Violet Meadow Farm in New Jersey that promised cute little "shorty" (remember this term, it will come up later) Irish JRTS. Here is what we expected:
This is a "shorty" Short legs, short hair, and droll personality all intact. Look, he looks like he should be wearing a little smoking jacket and be all, "In my opinion, Hilary Clinton will never get the Democratic nomination. Over 40% of voters say (blah blah blah)."














This, on the other hand is Bo. Long, shaggy hair, which begins to stink quickly because he pees on his own legs. Long, loooooooooooooooooong legs (remember the term "shorty"?). Bo stands 18 inches at the shoulder and weighs 22 lbs. Does this LOOK like a jack russell terrier to you? The woman who used to groom him (Strange. Their business kept moving every few months and now has vanished compeletely. Do you think it's me... or my dog?) said, (and I quote) "If that dog is a jack russell terrier, I'm Marilyn Monroe." Let me assure you, this woman looked nothing at all like Miss Happy Birthday Mr. President.

Yup. Now appearence aside, we could be totally happy with Bo if he was intelligent and droll as advertized. Instead, Bo took 2.5 years to house break, drinks water obsessively which makes him vomit mucousy water all over the place, has only learned one verbal command with any consistancy ("Go hump your bed, Bo"), and has a complete inability to get along with any other dog. This, my friends, is the root of my dog envy. Now before you send me hate mail about how much I should appreciate my dog no matter what he looks like (please send me hate mail (any mail at all would be lovely)), Bo is treated as royalty. He refuses to eat any kibble not graced with leftover fillet mignon, taco filling, bits of chicken, or other gourmet treats I have whipped up. But if you'd like to trade your real JRT for my shaggy mop, drop me a line! I have DOG ENVY. Every time I see one of those cute little pudgy JRTs in the little Sherlock Holmes sweaters, a part of me wants to stop the person and pour out my doggy sorrows. Thank God I have you, Internet!