Dress for Sucess? Nope.

I like to dress nicely. I really do. I see women that dress up for office jobs every day and I feel envious of their pretty tops, tailored slacks, and sleek looking heels. The problem is, I'm too pragmatic about clothes. Not to the degree that I would leave the house in baggy sweats or Crocs, I just find that unless clothes are comfortable and practical, I just don't wear them.

Take for example pretty bras and underwear. They look lovely when you first put them on, but after they spend a day bunched up in your clothes, the panties want nothing more than to snuggle up deep in your crack, and the bra has left deep rivets in your shoulders and has started itching under your boobs. I like a cute shirt just as much as the next lady, but the ones that aren't just basic wife-beater style tank tops or plain t-shirts are fraught with peril. They ride low in the front or gap open, showing off so much cleavage I feel the need to cover up with a sweatshirt while picking up kids from school. Others slide up at the waist leaving a gaping swath of skin open to the drafts, and exposing my muffin top to the elements. Spaghetti strap camisoles are usually a good solution to these problems, but by the end of the day, the tight stretchy fabric makes me itch. Long-sleeved drapey blouses are pretty, but have you ever tried washing dishes or cooking in them? The sleeves always end up dangling in what you are working with, leaving a smear of grease or some messy sauce on your clothes. So until I have an office job where I can spend my days in front of a computer, and afford to eat lunch out, you'll find me in jeans and t-shirts.

Crimes Agains the Human Foot

I consider shoes to be one of the finest additions to any wardrobe. It is difficult for a woman to have enough shoes because unlike men, we can’t get away with pairing almost any outfit with shoes in the following categories: formal brown, formal black, casual brown, casual black, and running shoe, with the occasional casual sandal thrown in. Women need casual and formal heels in a myriad of colors and hues, flats, sandals, thongs, etc. ad nauseam. With all of the shoes we have to keep on hand, the occasional fashion faux pas is nearly unavoidable. But some shoes are just so mind-jarringly ugly that they give me a headache and make me grumpy. They follow in no particular order:

The peep toe flat:

This shoe (and even peep toe heels sometimes), is guaranteed to make any outfit, no matter how cute, scream 80’s frump.

Crocs:

These things are God awful! Add those Jibbitz things to them, and they don’t improve. They look like they would make your feet smell nasty after about a half hour. I’ve heard they’re comfortable, but people, wear them to fetch the newspaper at the end of the driveway or out to garden. Think of them like pajamas. Comfortable for around the house, but don’t leave the house in them. And here’s another thing. Mothers, don’t put these on your little boys. Just don’t.

Moccasins:

Spritz on a little patchouli and rat your hair into dreadlocks and maybe through on a gypsy skirt and your hippie look will be complete.

And these things:

How does any man plunk these on his feet and say to himself, “There. My look is complete.” They are guaranteed to highlight your worst features guys. White legs and toe hair! Step away from the clunky Velcro sandal.

Thank you for listening!

Hannah Montana Meets Emerica

A couple of weeks ago Weston came to us, expensive 3-month-old skateboard shoes in hand. The shoes were in really really bad shape. Skateboarding is not kind to shoes. Weston informed us earnestly that the perfect pair of replacement shoes cost just $95 dollars, and were the one brand of skate shoe designed to withstand the punishment dealt out by grip tape.

Nike Zoom Air Tres. Now Nike, in addition to making high quality shoes, has a great marketing strategy. Only release new shoes every two month, in small quantities, to a very limited number of dealers. After calling about four different specialized skateboard shops, we found a store in Lafayette that had a pair in the color Weston wanted. This was convenient, as we were headed up to Lafayette anyway to celebrate Steve's mother's birthday with her.

On the way, we stopped at Nordstrom to look for a sport coat for Steve and to get a somewhat cheaper pair of Nike skate shoes for Garrett. The children's shoe department as Nordstrom carries Crocs, and those stupid little accessories you shove through the holes to doll those otherwise hideous shoes up. While we were paying for Garrett's shoes, we found the perfect solution to hide the holes in my burly 12-year-old's ripped up skate shoes. What do you think?