The Job Hunt

If it rains, apparently it does indeed pour. This time last month I was desperate for work. Any work. Certain I would never hang out my shingle as a biologist again, I was willing to consider becoming an administrative assistant again, just so I could feel like I was contributing to our finances, rather than being nothing but a drain. Now things have picked up (albeit only a little) at my current job, and the work spigot seems to be cranked to the open position. Spring is a great time to imitate the local flora a fauna and get busy being prolific!

Things on My To-do List This Week

- Call Dr. Contini about heart palpitations (for Weston, who is 12). Thankfully they went away.
- Fire Garrett's pyschologist (No. Leaving his cookies at home next time is NOT an appropriate solution when my son has tackled and dog-piled the kid that stole them.)
- Pick up dog pooh in the back yard (Yes, two dogs DO generate twice as much!)
- Make an appointment to have my moles looked at (Every six months. Melanoma or not!)
- Call consulting firm to grovel for a job (Ugh! I hate being underemployed!)
- Call Weston's school to figure out why he's getting an F in Social Studies (maybe fix the palpitations while I'm at it?)
- Clean hardwood floor in kitchen (Two dogs means twice as many lick marks)

Ten things you may not have known about me....

1) I have a morbid sense of curiosity. If I could read about forensic anthropology every day, I would be very happy.
2) I have named two hockey teams. Seven in Dog Beers. Pucker Up.
3) I am terrified of bees.
4) I secretly admire Dr. Laura.
5) When I get REALLY mad, I cry.
6) I hate to cry.
7) I am lazy. Very very very lazy.
8) I have a green belt in kung fu.
9) I can parallel park in the teensiest space.
10) I can back up a trailer without jackknifing it.

Pulling Bo's Leg

The first night we had Luke I lay awake in a total crisis, asking myself just what the hell I thought I was doing getting another puppy. Bo was a total nightmare at this age and continues to be a large pain. Last night Luke was very sleepy and wanted a place to snuggle, so I picked him up and he just fell asleep on his back snuggled in my arms. Totally justified the purchase. He and Bo are starting to play together now, which is hilarious. He goes up to Bo and starts gnawing on one of his hind legs or hanging off of his fur by his teeth. Bo lifts the abused foot up as high as he can and puts up with it all very patiently. Finally Bo gets to a point where he had it, and roofs at Luke smushes him to the ground with his front legs.

How to Tape (or Brace) Puppy Ears

Our new corgi puppy, Luke, has one ear with a crease in it. His ears are not up yet, so this one flops back a bit, rather than over the front. To correct this, the breeder's vet recommended that we use Breathe-Right (TM) strips. I tried this, but one good shake of his head sent the strips flying. I have modified this method and it seems to be working really well. Luke is almost 7 weeks old. This method may not work as well with an older puppy or one with ears that have thicker skin or really dense, heavy fur. I used a generic drugstore brand of the nose strips and the thin tape that you use to attach gauze to a wound. Don't use the heavy, super-sticky stuff. This will weight the ear down too much, causing it to sag down, and will pull off fur more when the tape is removed. Pull one nose strip off and place it over another so that you have a single strip of double thickness. Trim the strips down so that they fit inside the ear as pictured above, but don't go down into the ear canal and irritate the ear. Place the strip INSIDE the ear. Pull of two strips of tape that are about 4 inches long. Wrap them around the ear, front and back taking care not to bend or distort the ear, and to secure the nose-strip. Leave the ear braces in place for a week, but replace them if the ears appear to be set oddly or the tape becomes tattered or is falling off excessively. If the ears are still not corrected inside a week, contact your vet, groomer, or breeder for some help. The puppy will be irritated with the tape initially, so distract him with some play time or a good chew toy. Luke got used to them in about a half hour. Happy taping.

Edited to add: Because the floppy ear was not standing up enough, I used a couple of inches of tape to attach it front and back to the other ear. I left about 2.5 inches of space between the two ears. This forces both ears to stand up a bit more. After just one day, both ears are now consistently up. This has not corrected the crease however.

Luke

Meet Luke. He is our brand new Pembroke corgi puppy. We got him this Saturday from a breeder in Fair Oaks. He is one of a litter of five puppies (one female and four males). Because we are so unoriginal, we once again kept the name that the breeder had given our puppy. Bo was also named by the breeder, but now we have our own little Dukes of Hazzard!

We originally thought we'd go with a female, but female corgis tend to be the alpha dogs, with males being more laid back. This was certainly the case with this litter. Luke's loan sister, Leia (yes they were all named for Star Wars characters) was a little pistol. We didn't think Bo and Kasey would deal with that well, so instead we picked the quietest pup in the group.

Bo has taken this pup in stride quite well, but Kasey is totally miserable. Poor cat spends all day on my bed in the back of the house. She comes out to eat, and if she happens to encounter the little guy her eyes get as big as saucers and she growls and hisses at him. Bo has been around other dogs so little, his only problem with the pup is interpreting puppy play signals. When Luke paw slaps and yaps at him he jumps like he's been stung. When he tries to get playful with Luke he yaps and bounces so fiercely that he sends the poor baby yelping and scooting for cover in terror.

He is a total handful when he is awake, so thankfully he sleeps something like 20 hours a day. I've been getting up once a night to take him out for a pee which I don't mind. The only problem is, it takes me at least an hour to get back to sleep. Then I have to get up early to make sure he's gotten out to pee again and have something to eat. Three days after getting him and I'm already staggering around in a stupor, hair unwashed and laundry undone, like a new mom. It's all worth it though!

Circular

Garrett's new favorite word: circular. It's amazing how many times he can make that word come up in a sentence.

Merry Microbial Christmas

My husband gave me a cold and mange for Christmas..... and I love them!

Thank Jesus for Cheese

The following is Garrett's list of items he is thankful for:

chickens (I mean, who ISN'T grateful for chickens for gosh sakes.)
Texas (Because Sandy Cheeks from Spongebob Squarepants is from Texas. Duh!)
Jesus (This despite that fact that we, as a family, are totally atheist.)
science (Can I hear a Hallelujah on that one!!!????)
cows (Apparently he feels very blessed for barnyard animals this season. Surprisingly though, the turkey did not make the list.)
trees
family (awwww)
Canada (wtf????)
Kailey (his best buddy)
Alan (his other best buddy)
and last but not least......
cheese.

Dream Dinners

My friend Meredith and I tried Dream Dinners today. After eating the food for dinner tonight I thought a little feedback was merited. The whole experience was well organized. You set up an appointment time and order and prepay for all your meals ahead of time, and are given the option of ordering 3 or 6 serving portions. I would prefer that they did a four or five serving option, because three servings was not enough, even for my family of four pretty small eaters, and six would be too much. Also, you really only get your meat course and maybe a rice side. Not a whole lot of vegetarian choices.

Preparation is easy. You walk in and they give you a print out of all the stuff you ordered. All the ingredients are laid out with a station for each different dish they offer that month. Everything is pre-chopped and measuring is easy. Each meal takes five to ten minutes to prepare, and they provide you with Ziploc bags to hold and separate ingredients and preprinted labels to tell you what the meal is and how to cook it. The place was a little crowded and chaotic, and despite stern warnings to NOT brings your kids, some guy had his two rowdy toddlers running around with the staff pretty much forced to babysit them. Not cool in my opinion. After you are finished all your prep, they load everything up on a cart and wheel it out to your car for you. The staff was friendly and helpful. Oh, and very perky.

They provide you with a little checklist of all the stuff you ordered. They also provide you with side order suggestions and the general cooking method and prep time needed to cook the stuff. Don't be like me and forget to leave time for the thawing step. The food was very tasty. We had southwestern grilled chicken, which I served with my own Mexican rice and salad. We also had peach cobbler which was TASTY!

Overall, I was impressed. I won't make a weekly or even monthly ritual of this because a) I like to cook, b) I already have most of these ingredients on hand, c) it didn't really save me ALL that much time, d) it was a little on the spendy side. I do think it would be really fun to go back and do a private party there with a bunch of friends and a bottle of wine.

Lyrics to Indian Thriller English Translation

Credit for these lyrics goes to Buffalax.

Link to the video here.

Because you know you want to be able to sing along while you're practicing all those hot Bollywood pelvic thrusts and head twitches:

I think I’m the evil of the people…

(Praise the glory of the evil!)

GIRLY MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Girly Man!

Girly man, man, man, man, man!

Gosh, my old calculator ain’t got no bow!

Nipply man I met, he ate my motorboat!

Calm down and park that comfy shin guard armor!

Welcome the dude who ain’t the buyer of mugs.

Girly Man!

Girly man, man, man, man, man!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPYOURMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Woot, I’m Coming!

Mutton goes YAY!

Cook the chicano’s day!

Mucho Caliente!

I’ll eat wasabe on my dude!

All my body just got ruled!

Kinda like a fish on road!

One more body for your car!

OOO! OOO! Papa’s Restaurant.

OOOOOOOOOOO You’ll be pumping Ovaltine

or Salty Shanty’s One Shot Tea!

Roll, jam, belching, raving son!

Mork, and bull, and mumued star!

Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer!

Girly Man!

Girly man, man, man, man, man!

Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer!

(please don’t buy the bald seal!)

Move then Connie!

Let me go yay!

Cause it’s a yardless day!

Conga line too, Good Day!

Salad is a cargo you could do!

Chet’s my buddy, Chester Rowe!

Called him at the coaster room!

Smashing all the people up!

It’s the child no parka rule!

OOOOOOO laddie, ready, bite your knee!

OOOOOOO conk a Collie, Conquer he!

Deal them. Peel them. People look shocked!

Move, too, then you got private shower!

Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Killer! Killer! Killer!

Girly Man!

Girly man, man, man, man, man!

Gosh, my old calculator ain’t got no bow!

Nipply man I met, he ate my motorboat!

Calm down and park that comfy shin guard armor!

Welcome the dude who ain’t the buyer of mugs.

Girly Man!

Girly man, man, man, man, man!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Beyonce

Me, looking at People Magazine and Weston looking over my shoulder.

Weston: I think Beyonce is ugly.

Me: Do you, really?

Weston: ..... (laughs) no.

Update to Round Table Debacle

When complaining about a business, I feel it's only fair to also acknowlege when they have fixed the problem. We received an apologetic letter in the mail from the manager of Round Table with a coupon for $20. We ordered pizza from them tonight and the customer service was much improved. Thanks Round Table, we are no longer mad!

Round Table: How'd You Like to Hold 'Til HELL FREEZES OVER!!

What better forum than my blog to pass on to the world how Round Table Pizza on Branham Avenue in San Jose treats their customers? Tonight I was stuck on hold with Christmas music blaring in my ear for 13 solid minutes. Finally I hung up and called back. Here's what happend:
Phone:Ring, ring
Round Table Employee: Welcometoroundtablepizzacanyouhold(Click)
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Phone: Slam!
Me: Crap. I'm never ordering from that place again.

Will you?

The Old Grovel and Shiver Trick

We have a sweet dog. He's very nice, but as I have mentioned before, he's not the sharpest tack in the bulletin board. He can't be trusted in the house for long periods of time because he has never learned to scratch at the door when he has to pee. When I work at home, he normally stays in all day, and I have to periodically remember to remind him to go out and pee. He is, on occasion, very brilliant.

Today, for example. I left the house at 6:30 am, and Steve got the boys off to school, putting the dog out for the day as he was leaving. Strangly enough, however, when I got home, the dog was in. I immediately put him out, thinking his bladder must be stretched to bursting point, then headed off to empty out my own. I intended to call Steve once I had a chance to gather a few items from my car, so I could ask him how the dog happened to be in. We're having a cold snap, but Bo has a dog house outside. Besides, we JUST had the carpets cleaned. Walking past the sliding glass door, I happed to catch site of this miserable, shivering creature:

Then it all became clear. Bertha, my cleaning lady, had been at the house earlier, and seeing the pathetic display above, let the poor worthless creature in. Sucker! I'd think he was seriously freezing, if I hadn't seen him do the same shiver in 95 degree weather. As I said, moments of brilliance!

On a more serious note......

I’ve been thinking about the two miscarriages I suffered quite a bit lately after reading this post, and because three of my friends are early on in their pregnancies right now. After Weston was born I suffered two miscarriages. In both cases, I was about 8 weeks along.

For me, coping with the loss of a pregnancy amounted to a fairly brief period of intense sadness. Once I got past the first trimester of pregnancy with Garrett, I felt like I was finished with the process of grief, but certain things will still bring those feelings back. For instance I found myself in tears on the phone with a friend one day who was considering terminating a healthy pregnancy because she had just begun her relationship with the baby’s father. The idea of choosing to end a pregnancy is abhorrent to me after having that choice taken from me on two occasions. Apparently my tears made an impression on her, because her beautiful baby girl will be a year old in October.

After reading the follow-up to the post, I considered my own approach to coping with the loss of two “potential children”. That is what a lost pregnancy is; the loss of who that child could have potentially been. When I look at the child I did end up with I can’t be sad about the two I didn’t have. There is some sort of magic about Garrett that is impossible to miss. If two miscarriages are what I had to suffer to have him in my life every day, the price was worth paying.

Skate Camp

This week Weston and Garrett are at skateboarding camp at the Campbell Community Center. They have taken a six week skating class there before and had an absolute blast, but three intensive hours for five straight days sounded like a great idea. When they only went once a week they didn't get enough of a chance to get really comfortable with whatever trick they were working on before it was time to leave. Garrett could almost drop in on the elbow with lots and lots of help, but once class was over and his favorite instructor was not able to work with him, he wouldn't even try it.

The first two days of camp they both pretty much stayed in their comfort zone, practicing tricks that they already knew how to do. Yesterday however, I went to one of the instructors and told him that Garrett is capable of much more than he lets on and that without a little pushing he would spend the entire week rolling down one little ramp and practicing ollies. I felt like one of those pushy show biz or athete moms thats constantly pushing their kids into more spectacular feats of daring, but darnit, they need a little nudge every now and then!

Well, the pushiness paid off! When I picked them up today Weston came tearing up to the fence of the park with this ear-to-ear grin as I got out of my car. "Watch this, mom!" Up he went to the top of the start ramp, where he proceeded to drop in on the second-hardest ramp. Prior to starting the camp his response to that ramp was "maybe later". Then Garrett hopped up onto the elbow and dropped in all by himself!!! Woooo hoooo! I'll be rich rich rich when they go pro!!! Oh! Did I just say that?

Ban The Fluffernutter

This my friends is the noble Fluffernutter. It must be an east coast thing, because while I've HEARD of a Fluffernutter, until recently, I couldn't have told you what it was. It goes without saying that I've never eaten one either. Now come to find out, the Fluffernutter (which, for those NOT in the know is a peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich) is under attack from Senator Jarrett T. Barrios of Cambridge, Mass. He is offering up an amendment to a junk-food bill that would limit serving the sandwich in school lunches in that state. Now another group is fighting to make the Fluffernutter (it's just fun to say!) the official state sandwich (!!). I can just see it now. Huge billboards proclaiming "NOW ENTERING CAMBRIDGE MASSASCHUSETTS, HOME OF THE FLUFFERNUTTER SANDWICH!!!" Which begs the question, if California had an official state sandwich, what would it be?

Poor Duck!

On the way into the mall last night (to purchase more Legos (sigh)), Garrett spotted a pigeon hanging around near the mall entrance. Being a normal six year old, he roared and began chasing it so it would fly away in that satisfying, panicked pigeon sort of way. Instead, the bird ran a few steps, tried to flap one wing, and fell over. Garrett pulled up short, and clearly feeling badly for having harassed the hurt bird, said "Oh, sorry little ducky." Later, on they way out, (after Steve had explained that it was not actually a duck) Garrett said, "Wasn't that pigeon so poor?" Now if only we could get him to develop that much empathy for the cat and dog!

Birth Control

Oh my gosh. How do you go from this:
To this:in what, maybe 2 years? This is Britney Spears folks. Admired and imitated by pre-pubescent girls the world around. If this is not effective birth control, then I don't know what is.

But, don't you feel kindof sorry for her right about now? Before she married K-fed, she was held up as THE hottest female on the face of the planet. Now here she is in some skeevie diner with ratty, greasy hair, and her bra and thong hanging out. I feel bad when I look a pictures of myself that were taken TWELVE years ago before I had babies. I feel grumpy about the extra rolls around my midriff, the crows feat around my eyes, and the cellulite on my thighs. But at least I can say to myself, "Self. You are forty now (almost forty-one). Twelve years and two babies all considered, a few wrinkles, rolls, and cellulite are to be expected." Brit, on the other hand, is only twenty-four, has only had one kid, and took a meer two to three years to plummet to this level. The world is a good place when you can compare yourself to Britney Freakin' Spears and feel skinny, cute, and well-preserved.