Thanks for wearing that banana sling-style bathing suit the other day. That was really special. You, along with the guy sporting a pelt of back-hair that would have had Sasquatch gnashing his teeth in a jealous rage, really made my day memorable. Your reproductive organs wobbling jauntily with each step was about as sexy as watching a little kid pick their nose in public. Presented with your twig and berries so ineffectually covered by that thin layer of nylon, the doctor behind you in line had to restrain himself from asking you to turn your head and cough. Had I a small daughter, I believe the urge to shrink back in horror while shielding her eyes would have been overwhelming. Instead I got to watch my sons exchanging not so subtle snickers and elbow nudgings. Here's a thought. Next time you stand mired in a state of indecision in the swimwear aisle, board shorts in one hand and Speedo in the other, go with the board shorts.